I think I got the raw end of this whole finding out I am going to get sick deal. I think that I should have been able to act the way that the counselors all fear I would. I should have been able to go out and drink the world away, crash my car, spend all my money, go on some crazy spree that left me vehicle-less in a state that isn’t my own, and getting to tell every one off that bothers me at any point for the next 25 years.
However, that is not what I got. I had instead to be responsible. I went to class not even an hour after getting my test results. I took my finals, and went to my job. I didn’t freak out on anyone, I barely even cried until days later. Instead of binge drinking I quit drinking, and since I was in a car accident a few weeks before I got my results I didn’t end up on any crazy car journey.
The truth is, short of having depressed days and sad days, nothing has really changed. I like that things are more or less the same, but I feel like maybe it should have been made into some sort of big deal. I should have at least freaked out on the guy who gave me my results right? Nope. Nothing.
In the end celebrating each year that I am symptom free seems good enough. The first anniversary is coming up fast; tomorrow night. I have friends going out with me for random fun on a week night. While everyone else is drunk, I am going to wear a silly hat, take photos, and have a genuine good time. I’m excited. It is sort of like a birthday only less obligatory.