February 2012
19 posts
I'll Miss You Grandpa.
My grandpa passed away today. He went peacefully and without pain. I’m happy that he is no longer suffering. On the other hand, I really miss him. He was a wonderful grandfather to me. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. I know he loved me, and that makes his death harder. I’ve cried more in the last few hours than I have cried in a long time. I hope he knows how much I...
January 2012
37 posts
Debt
My boyfriend did the math for me the other day, and I am 83,085 dollars in debt from my student loans. Doesn’t sound like the banks are going to help me to consolidate either. This sucks.
Million Miles
This song is called a Million Miles by Adam Hood.
A sharp pain in my soul no cars on the county road i cant stand to be a goin home im so mad, im so alone i made some big mistakes i cant take back yesterday but its to hard to live this way when your heart is a million miles away i get tired and it makes me mean but cruel words arent what you need i know and we both agreee but...
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On My Mind
I have so much on my mind I feel like I am going to explode.
Firstly, I have become painfully aware of how close it is getting to my Birthday. I still have till the end of March, but I can feel it getting nearer. I am not upset because I am getting a year older because I’m caught up in age or beauty or any of that crap, it is because every year I get older is a year closer to being...
Grandpa
My grandfather has been sick for a while now. He has been having problems with dementia as well. Yesterday, he fell and broke his leg in three places. He is too old and too sick to do surgery. He has also stopped responding to anyone. The decision has been made that he is going to go into hospice care. They will keep him comfortable until he dies; whenever that is.
My grandmother will be...
A Few Random Thoughts
If they can make baby shampoo tear free, why don’t they just make all shampoo tear free. I mean I’m not going to cry and have a cow if I get soap in my eye, but it still hurts a lot. Why risk pain if there is a solution?
A while back my grandmother wrote in to the Ellen Show about my blog. We haven’t heard anything back. I honestly didn’t think that I would make it on...
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My Best Friend
When I first got my positive test results I didn’t want a lot of people to know. So I came up with a code word to represent my HD. My code was Indy. My best friend decided this reminded him of Indiana Jones, and that instead he would refer to my HD as Junior. This is another example of why I like this guy so much.
Leaving the House!
I feel like I haven’t gone anywhere but work or the store in weeks. I am so excited about going out for dinner tonight. I’m going out with my girlfriend, who is really my best guy friend, but we like to tease each other about how much we don’t fit our assigned gender. He is more of a girl than I will ever be, and I am more masculine then he could ever hope to be. We make a good...
Kira
My cat, Kira, has always had a need to be with me. She follows me around much like the dog does. In fact, me getting the dog is the only reason she is not always in the same room with me. This includes following me into the bathroom.
If I’m brushing my hair or my teeth she can usually be found sitting on or near my feet. If I’m using the toilet then she is demanding me to pet...
Snow Target Practice
My boyfriends son has been hanging out in the ice and snow with me most of the morning. I have been trying to dig out my car, and he has been playing in the snow. About a half hour ago he asked me if he could take the big sheets of ice that have fallen off my car. I said he could have them. So he proceeded to carry several large sheets of ice across the drive and into the yard.
A few minutes...
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Map
I went to the store the other day and bought a map of the world, and a map of the united states. Then we bought colored push pins. I used white, my boyfriend used red, and his son used black push pins to mark the cities we had been in within the United States and what states/countries we had been in around the world. It is surprising how many different places we have each been and how many...
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New Outlook
In response to my last post, I am going to try to work on my communication skills. I seem to have a problem communicating well. I am going to make an attempt to be more exact, and use less metaphor. I am going to try to stay on topic better, and to not talk about myself unless asked directly. I am basically going to go into counseling mode and use all my skills to better my day to day...
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Bad Habits
I find myself slipping into old behavioral patterns and ways of thinking that have been proven to be destructive. I see it coming and the more I try to pull out of the nose dive the more I seem to spiral out of control. I’m afraid.
What makes it worse is the fact that I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. I’m not great at expressing myself when it comes to...
Name My Tattoo?
My most recent tattoo, which you have all heard a ton about as of late (sorry), stands for something special to me. It reminds me that no matter how hard the struggle is I need to keep climbing back up out of the muck. It is to remind me to be strong. Now I just need to name him.
Any good suggestions? Definitely a boy name.
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Cabin Fever
Being home for the last few days has made me aware of how much I hate just sitting around doing nothing all day. I get sick of being online, playing games, and watching TV. I don’t know what else to do with my days indoors, but this is not an option.
This also makes me afraid for my future. How am I going to handle being home all the time, and not being able to do anything? I...
City Life
I’m in love with this band, and this song. This is still one of my favorite bands after all of these years. If you don’t know them you should check them out. This is kind of how I feel today.
This is City Life by Stroke 9:
What’s your story send it over to me I’ll take a look and see what there is to see At least jot a few things down Anything to let me know I’m...
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Bucket List Revised
I put my bucket list together as one document and got the opportunity to take something off my list. So I thought I would share! It is a good start.
Bucket List Revised:
Go crowd surfing (Preferably do the stage dive first)
Get my PhD
Dance in the rain with my boyfriend (and have him enjoy it…that is the hard part. Silly nerds don’t dance.)
Have a final blow out birthday bash that will be...
Love My Man
Every time I meet a new person I find things about that person that would not work with my personality in a relationship, and I always think, “This is why I’m glad I am with my man. He doesn’t do that/say that/ act like that etc. I picked a winner!”
Hope he thinks that same about me. :)
Tattoo Done
It took almost three hours, but my tattoo is done! It is a beautiful tree frog on my right shoulder.
Places didn’t hurt as bad as I remembered from previous tattoos, but parts definitely hurt more than I wanted them too. I didn’t cry, and that is good too. I started out sitting in a chair, but we decided it was easier for me to lay down on my stomach. Laying for a tattoo is more...
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Horrible Monday
I had the worst Monday at work today. I got to work and the computer system wasn’t working right. I have to make reserves when I do paperwork. At first I couldn’t print reserves, then I couldn’t get the reserves to come up in the proper program. Then my printer quit working like three times, and ran out of labels in the middle of a job. We are working more lines than usual, so...
Children
I love how oblivious children are to race differences, and gender differences.
I was watching a movie with my boyfriends son and he asked me what was wrong with one of the women on screen. I said, “Oh. She is different because she is blind.” He said, “Which one?” I said, “The black lady is blind, the white lady is not.” He nodded and watched on. At the end of...
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Fighting
My boyfriend and I fought, like everyone. Usually we start with something small, it escalates to stupid heights and we spend a long time being upset with each other.
We got in another fight last night. This fight started out pretty much the same, but through the angry we started to talk out our problems. We have both started saying that is “how we feel,” and that “I don’t...
Winnie the Pooh
I was thinking about how much I used to love Winnie the Pooh. I was thinking about why I stopped watching that show. I think that I finally reached an age where I realized that Winnie sounds a lot like wienie and pooh sounds like well poo. That is funny. How do you take Wienie the Poo seriously? Him and his depressed friend. That show needs a name change and some anti-depressants. Then I might...
Chinese Food
My boyfriend and I love Chinese food. We were not sure if his son would like. We usually just avoid getting Chinese when he is here rather than dealing with him not wanting to eat his dinner, or having to give up mine so he’ll eat.
Today his son and I took the Chinese food plunge! We walked to the store, and rewarded ourselves with healthy (er) food. I ordered teriyaki chicken, sweet and...
Tattoo Continued
I have an appointment to get my newest tattoo on Wednesday! I’m so excited, and nervous. I always forget how much they hurt until I’m sitting in the chair again. I might have extra visitors watching this time as well. I’ll have to put on my “this doesn’t hurt face.” Even if I don’t mean it. :)
Tattoo
I’m heading in shortly to have my next tattoo designed. I’m really excited about it. I have been wanting a tattoo that represents my struggles in life, and my determination to overcome what life throws at me. I’m going to get a frog climbing up my shoulder. I know that sounds silly to everyone else, but it isn’t for everyone else, so there. (Insert me sticking out my...
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First Episode of the New Year
I was reading through my Tumblr today, and I came across a post from someone I am following. Her wish for the New Year was to be a Cancer Survivor. My initial reaction to this post was to break down crying. I should make it clear now that I am not upset about what she said at all. I wish everyone the best of health, and I really do hope that she can be a survivor. I just don’t have the...
Weight
I officially weigh the most I ever have. I didn’t like getting on the scale the other morning just to realize that I have put on 15 pounds in the last few years. I decided to cut back my dew intake, and to eat less meals (Eat only three instead of the six or so I eat now), and to eat less junk food and more good food.
I went to the store today and bought organic ravioli (cause it...
New Year's Eve
We decided that my boyfriend, his son, and I were going to stay up for New Year’s Eve. We started out strong, if not a bit tired. His son passed out at about 11 or so. He told us to wake him up when it was time, but in the end he decided just to go to bed. My boyfriend and I made it, but we couldn’t find a streaming video of the Space Needle that wasn’t super choppy from our...
